Mad World
by LeapofFaith07
Summary: Crackfic - A typical Monday Morning at PPTH, with all our favourite doctors OOC. House is happy, Cuddy has anger management, Wilson is a hippie, etc. Enjoy!
1. Chill Dude

A/N – Ok, so I was talking to HuddyRocks, and we came up with the idea of a funny story when all the characters are OOC. Complete crackfic, and has no real point to it at all – enjoy!

Disclaimer – I do not own House M.D. It all belongs to David Shore and Fox.

~Chapter 1~

House wore an unusual smile when he arrived at work one Monday morning. Humming a familiar tune, he made his way through the busy clinic. He was wearing his usual outfit, jeans, t-shirt, and jacket, and seemed to have an uncommon skip in his step on his way to the elevator.

Once he reached the fifth floor, he had gone from humming, to singing the kiddie tune.

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" He sang as he paused in the hallway, leaned his cane against the wall, and clapped his hands up high in the air, loudly. Grabbing his cane, he walked a few more steps before he paused.

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" House repeated the order and actions as he continued towards his office.

"If you're happy and you know it, and you really wanna show it; if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" A few people looked into the hallway and shook their heads as they mumbled, 'Here we go again'.

* * *

Cuddy sat in her office alone as she re-read the lab results. _No…no, no, no, no, no, NO!_ She thought to herself as a tear threatened to travel down her cheek. She wiped away the growing tear, as she stood up, anger building up inside of her.

Trying to calm herself down, she breathed in and out deeply just like her psychiatrist told her. That didn't help.

She quickly stormed out of her office, her new assistant looking at her worriedly.

"LIFE SUCKS!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as she ran around the clinic franticly. The crowded clinic froze, as people stepped aside for the Dean of Medicine to rush past as she flailed her arms in the air, screaming unrecognizable words.

They all watched as Cuddy ran up to a pregnant woman and screamed, "You had better not be getting an abortion! If you are, oh, you will be DEAD!" The young woman's eyes grew big as she muttered, 'I would never think of doing such a thing!'

Cuddy ignored her as she noticed a little boy walk into the clearing. She looked into his eyes. They were a familiar deep blue, "Jason, honey come here, please," The mother called out as she tried to push past the crowd of people.

"You'd better listen to your mother! Do you know what she went through while she waited for the nine months to be over? Morning sickness, headaches, stretch marks, little boy, the list goes on and on. LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!" Cuddy shouted as she ran past him to the safety of her office.

"Don't mind her, everybody! She just had another miscarriage. This kind of incident has occurred before, and she is seeking help for her…problems," The head nurse informed as she stood up from behind her cluttered desk.

"I heard that!" Cuddy called as the clinic froze once again, "Nurse Brenda, YOU'RE FIRED!" She shouted as she slammed her office doors shut.

A few minutes went by before Cuddy came back into the clinic, and found Nurse Brenda still standing behind the main desk.

"Didn't I just fire you four minutes ago? Well, maybe you didn't understand, so let's try it again. You are fired! Estás despedida! Vous êtes tiré!" Cuddy said loudly as she stormed away from the nurse's station. Wilson, who had just gotten off the elevator, had witnessed the whole thing. He was wearing a tie-dye shirt over black pants, a million multicoloured necklaces, and a hot pink piece of fabric tied around his head.

"Chill, dude! We all need to live in, like, peace and harmony!" Wilson called out as he grabbed her right hand, and placed a beautiful daisy in the palm of her hand. As he walked away, Cuddy looked at the daisy and cursed. Dropping the flower to the ground, she stepped her black heel on it, and twisted it around so the daisy lay dead on the floor.

She smirked as she dusted her hands off with her skirt, and walked briskly to her office.

A/N – hehehe, so I hope you liked it! More chapters to come :)


	2. Good Morning!

Disclaimer – I do not own House M.D. It all belongs to David Shore and Fox.

~Chapter 2~

Cameron arrived late on Monday morning. She had dyed her hair black, and she wore a full black outfit to match.  
"Why is everyone so joyful this morning? It is the same as every other morning. The only difference is today is called 'Monday' and yesterday was called 'Sunday'. Oh, and today we are forced to come here," Cameron mumbled dryly as she walked to the elevators and pushed the 'up' button.

"Cameron!" A male voice called out excitedly, "I have a very important question to ask you."

Cameron rolled her eyes as she turned around and stared at the doctor blankly in the eye, "What."

"Does my hair look ok? I tried a new shampoo this morning…I don't know, is it too shiny?" Chase asked as he stroked his hair affectionately.

"Its fine," Cameron answered in a low, annoyed tone as she entered the elevators that had opened seconds before.

"Ok, good. So, what's new?" Chase asked as he quickly joined her in the elevator.

"Nothing," She told him with a sigh.

"OH MY GOSH!" Chase cried as he looked down at his hands in shock.

"What," Cameron said as she rolled her eyes and looked at him suspiciously.

"Call 911, I broke a nail!" He yelled as he put his hand in her face to show her his fingers as proof.

"Why? We are already in a hospital. Besides, no one can save you now – broken nails are a sign that the dark lord has come to take over your soul," Cameron informed as she pushed his hand away and leaned against the back wall in the elevator.

"Are you serious? What is going to happen to me? Is my hair going to be affected by this?" Chase asked her nervously as he inspected his hands as the elevator doors opened.

"Who cares," She retorted as she walked out of the elevator and wandered down the hall.

* * *

"Hey Taub, how are you this morning?" Kutner called out as he entered the differential room and saw his colleague freeze facing the coffee machine.

"Leave. Me. Alone," Taub ordered, "Or you'll be sorry."  
" Awe, what is going to happen this time? Call for your owl to send an S.O.S. letter to Dumbledore?" Kutner teased with a smirk as he walked closer behind him.

"Um, no…" Taub responded as he tried to think of a good comeback, seeing, as Kutner was right.

Kutner took Taub's hesitation as great timing to make his move.

Laughing, he gave Taub a wedgie, and then he ran to a chair and sat down abruptly, acting as if nothing had happened.

Taub, furious, picked up a stick he hand found outside that morning and pointed it at Kutner, a determined look on his face.

With a smirk, he said confidently, "Wingardium Leviosa!"

Kutner turned around and cocked an eyebrow, "Wings guard a what?"

Taub ignored him and inspected his stick and once satisfied, he pointed it at Kutner once again.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" He shouted determinedly, and once again, nothing happened.

He started mumbling to himself as he inspected the flimsy stick thoroughly again, Kutner laughing at his failure.

* * *

"I told you – life sucks!" Cuddy yelled at Wilson and House, who both stared at her with wide eyes as they stood in the hallway across from House's office.

"Dude, I told you to chill out! Life is awesome, man!" Wilson said as he did a wave-like motion with his right hand as he moved his head back and forth.

"Cuddy, didn't you listen to me? ' If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands', I don't see you clapping your hands…" House said, as he looked her up and down.

"That's because I am not happy!" Cuddy practically screamed as she waved her arms in the air as dramatic effect.

"Yay! Go team! 2,4,6,8, who do we appreciate? Dr. House! Dr. House!" The trio turned around to see Thirteen jumping in the halls, waving blue and silver pom-poms in the air with each word she chanted. Smiling largely at the small group of doctors, she entered the differential room.

"Good morning Dr. House." House sighed as Foreman walked up beside him wearing a suit, and a commercial smile, "How are you Dr. House? I love the hair, Dr. House! Wow, nice shoes, Dr. House!" Foreman went on before House tuned him out and started singing.

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" House sang as he did the actions.

Foreman looked at him startled, but began singing along and copying House with the actions.

"Cuddy, aren't you going to clap your hands?" House asked his boss after a few minutes of singing.

"No, House, I am not going to sing or clap my hands – because I am not happy!" Cuddy cried as she moaned in frustration and stormed over to the elevators.

Once she made it to the office, she looked at her assistant, "Get my psychiatrist on the line please, I need to review my breathing exercises before I hurt something," She told the young lady with clenched teeth.

"Yes, Dr. Cuddy," She quickly obeyed, and dialled the number.

* * *

A/N – hehe, I love this! Hope you liked it too! More chapters to come soon…

Ok....so here is a list of the characteristics for the characters:

Cuddy - anger management  
House - happy  
Wilson - hippie  
Cameron - emo  
Chase - vain  
Kutner - bully (I know he was a bully in high school, but I thought it would be funny)  
Taub - thinks he is harry potter  
Thirteen - cheerleader  
Foreman - kiss-up to house


End file.
